Fare
by Vernon Danforth
Summary: Without you, I am alone.


She turns away from me to leave, and I try to stop her. She has one enormous suitcase in one hand, and a bright yellow bag over the opposite shoulder. I put my hand on her shoulder, the one with out the bag, as the words I speak barely slip from my throat.

"Wait... Please"

She turns around slowly. I can hear her sniffling, and can tell she is crying before she shows her face to my general direction. Her eyes are dark, and baggy. Her mascara, and her eye liner are running down her face. Black tears continue to fall, and I cant help but think to my self how cute she looks.

"Don't make this harder for me.. I... "She fades away, and casts her gaze to the floor.

My heart breaks with our eye contact, and for the first time, I can feel how real this actually is. She turns around to open the door behind her. The front door to my house. The door that leads away from me. The exit from my life. She puts her hand on the knob, and twists gently, opening the door.

She opens the door wide enough to step out, and she looks back at me, mascara, and eye liner still running down both cheeks. The most pitifully adorable thing I have ever seen.

"Farewell, Sally." These are her last words to me.

I feel the urge to stop her, to turn her around, to tell her how much I love her, and to make sure these last five years meant something to her too. I want to make her stay, to keep her here forever, but this is not what she wants...

I think back on the past five years as the door closes. The weight of it all hits me as soon as the door closes, and I realize the world of shit my life has already become within the last couple of seconds. I completely lose it, and just start wailing like a child. I try my best to keep my composure, and I walk over to the dirty green curtains covering my windows.

I pull the green curtain to the side, dust emanating from it in a cloud, then the particles slowly disperse into the air. I watch out the window, hoping to catch one last glimpse of all that is really meaningful in my life. I helplessly watch as the only good thing walks out of my life permanently. She turns around and looks at my house, and I am not entirely positive if she sees me or not.

After a moment, she turns back again, and gets in her motor car. I begin to weep uncontrollably as the pink vehicle escapes my vision, and the last five years of my life becomes instantly meaningless.

All of this anguish is not even over a problem that exists. Its the fact that the problem doesnt exist that gets under her skin. She wants a baby, and I cant give her one... Even if I could produce a child with Amy, I could not take care of it.. I mean.. I'm still kind of a kid my self.

You see, I hate children. She knew this when we first started dating. She also knew it was NOT physically possible for us to have children. I despise children for all they are worth. Even when I was a child my self, I found anyone younger annoying as hell. Knowing these things, she teased me with five years out of my life, and with one almost effortless sweep, she takes those five years back.

I mix my self a drink, and sit down in my chair. I start to think back even more, but this time I focus on the explicit details. I can remember walking through the park with her, people shooting us weird looks as we embrace, me not even caring as we kiss. Those full, pink lips...

A tear drop falls in my drink, causing a circular ripple starting from the center of the liquid, bouncing off the sides of the glass. I did not even know I was crying.. I am such a baby. I thought I was more manly than her.

Amy was the only person I thought I could ever be happy with. I almost wish the last five years of my life had never happened. The memories cause nothing but mental anguish for me, and I just want to take it all back now.

I remember she was always kind of resistant, though. She never wanted to kiss me in public. She was embarrassed by me, you know? I understand she never... Well, lets just say her taste was different before me.

She was just a normal girl, with normal interests. I have known her all my life, and we had been introduced through our shared acquaintances. I engulf my white russian in one long sip. This is my seventh drink. I set the glass down hard on the table, and the thud echoes through out the room.

I let out a loud belch, as I lean back in this old worn out arm chair. I lay my head against the large pillow like head rest and close my eyes. I can almost see her. The beautiful image of her is suddenly disrupted by another, of her yelling at me during our last fight. I wince as I think about this image.

"I told you I wanted kids! I can't have kids if I'm dating a dyke!" I'm not sure why, but that one especially hurt.

You went out with me for five years!

She stopped in her tracks and looked at her feet. "Look, it's been fun and all, but I can't have a family with you..."

I'm not a god damn dyke... I'm a lesbian.

After that she packed her bags quietly, and left. I didn't even get a good bye kiss. I feel another tear roll down my cheek.

I guess the only direction to move in is forward, right? The bed is my salvation, a doorway to a new start, as they say. It's time to jump start to a new life. I feel dizzy, and I'm also very tired. I hear my bed calling, and I think it's time to answer... As soon as the room stops spinning.

In the back of my mind is a tiny voice telling me I'm just going to feel both physically and mentally worse in the morning. The spinning has finally gotten to me, and I throw up what little I've eaten all over my dress... Amy gave me this dress.

I lean forward, propping my elbows up on my knees and burying my face in my hands, the rancid vomit smell hitting me in the face. I start to cry again. My girl friend left me, and called me a dyke, I drank to much and got sick, I puked on my favorite dress, the one that Amy gave me, and she isn't even here to comfort me.

I ask my self how this night could get any worse, as I wipe the snot off my face and onto my dress. I'm drunk enough not to care anymore. I finally gather my bearings and get up, slowly stumbling to the bathroom. I lazily flop into the bath tub, and turn the water on. I'm not sure it it is hot or cold. I plug the drain at the bottom, and I notice how relaxing the water is.

I close my eyes, and I cant help but wonder what the future will bring. I smile to my self, as I feel it can only get better from here. The water is rushing up to around my face, and I honestly cant recall anything after that...

I feel... Numb...


End file.
